At Straw’s End

i wish you could see what i see in my eyes. this fury, these hatred and these terrible lies. i do not hate you but i certainly do not like you, for treating me this way and for mistreating a friend.

the things you say are just inappropriate and sharp for the heart, i wish i could jump off a cliff whenever i hear your words shout. in my head it will always be bothered, bothered by things you say because i am the nobody of your life.

I WANT TO SCREAM AT YOU! so so much you have no idea. until you are ready to listen, i wont speak. i will shut up. there is just too much to take in..

there was a time when i loved you,
when i cared for you,
when i missed you.
and i miss that part of you.

When You Look Me In The Eyes..

Tell me that you love me,
that everything’s alright,
and you’ll be right here by my side..

bleagh.

A song of beauty struck our lovely minds, controlling every single movement there is, crushing its lie. Little white and little blue, send me through the ever lasting moon. Is there no faith left in this wrenched world, is there just materials containing diamonds and pearls? Can’t I be with you always now and forever, to the nearest future to the ever so light feather? I know of a million things unspoken, but the truth was never blinded. Reality is but a lie, a lie meant to cover your eyes. I am here telling this now, that I can never the one that count your tile. I am but of human trying to live, but hardship is making me pissed. The tune was and will be mine, the ever so loving song of all time, singing the sweetest melody of every fine note, but leaving me like a worn out trench coat. Look and wake up to reality, I can’t be yours if you don’t want me. I can do a lot but of limits of my own, some things I just wish I could hold.

I am wasted.

Who Are You and What am I?

Who is this new stranger? This person that yearns and calls for adventure, this person that could not care less of people and how they feel? Who is this? Who am I? What am I? As much as I don’t want this to happen, but I am beginning to slowly forget who I really am..ah..what a waste.

Poetry Me, Poetry You, This is the time we all said “boo-hoo”

I walk today, with a whole in my heart.
I walk today, with a broken piece of art.
Even though my heart reeks of loneliness,
No one knows, because they’re so busy in love.

I crawl a thousand miles across the very hot sand,
just to find that my ways doesn’t bend.
From north to south and from west to east,
My heart is just not at ease.

Piercing through everyone’s dream,
I fly to find for its real meaning.
The dream of my own has a story to tell,
And it’s about a girl who’s love had failed.

And The Time Calls

Looks like I haven’t been blogging for ages. Sorry folks, I haven’t found the mood to write something fascinating. Well, I am here today not to write something fascinating, but to just update about my current..whatever.

Well, it’s the year 2010 now, and boy oh boy, how time passes so fast. It seemed like it was just yesterday  when I just left college and  for work. The year 2009 was a huge pain in the neck for me, but hey, people get through. Looking ahead, I have so many plans I want to carry out in this new beginning, this new year. But before all of those nonsensical thoughts, I first have  to earn so money to support my current life and of me in the future. Look, what’s plan without any finances?

January 2010
It was painful of me the be agreeing to work as a  full-time promoter in a retail store. After working  for two weeks, I find myself not only not liking it, but hating it. I forgot the thrill of doing sales, and well, in a retail store, there is just no thrill. All you do is stand around, moping and waiting for customers to come. It is dreadful. On the plus side, my commission is sightly higher? Not worth the trouble. Now, if I ever start talking about the people that work there, ha ha, it’s even more amazing..But I won’t ‘coz it’ll piss me off.

Money has become a big issue for me. I have been broke for the past week and is still broke. Now imagine, with such little cash at hand, working in a high end mall, eating their food? God, it’s really painful; painful to my wallet. I’ve never, in my life, felt this troubled by money before. I guess this is how it feels like. The only thing I’m honestly thankful for right now is that I don’t have legal debts.

————————

‘Nuff about work. It’s way too depressing. But then again, I have been feeling like crap for a while now. Awh well. Time will come, and I will be happy again..Someday. I hate routine so bad that it’s taking my life away. The true essence of whatever’s left of me, can’t seem to hold on. But like I said earlier..awh well. Life is a bitch and people are bastards, but we can’t help it now, can we?

On the side note, Grey’s Anatomy is really boring now. I hope it comes alive soon. But on How I Met Your Mother, Ted’s story is getting close to revealing who his wife is, which is AWEsome.

Alrite. That’s all from me. I am late for work..again. ‘Till next time.

Toodle.

In Deep Shooting With the Pigeons

Aite! So here’s the deal..I just realised I HAVE NEVER felt any love in my life *sucks*. I have no idea why on earth I’ve been so emotional lately. It’s sickening me.  But hey, time will come?
Alrite. For some of you may know, I’ve been real busy for the past week coz I’ve been going up and down, and in and out from my house. haha. Mainly because I was in Singapore last week, with my cousin this week, and getting ready for Christmas this week haha. Yaiks. So little time..heh.

I’m telling you..I’m soon to be falling to deep depression and I am preparing myself to get out. I am going through a lot right now. Main concerns:

+ money
+ studies
+ petrol
+ credit card bills
+ my stupid sclerosis

and many more..shucks..I am dying as it is. I am getting there and I don’t really have anyone to bring me out of it. I pratically have only 100 bucks to last me..hm..5months? and I’m running out of petrol with hundreds of dollars to renturn to my mom on petrol money..shucks..And my studies, I don’t know what to do with it because my passion is now in vain. The flame is now putting out. Yaiks..*i’m sounding like my sister now*

Anyhow, I will find a way out. Somehow. I may just withdraw myself for a long long period of time, but I’m sure I’ll be okay. I think.

Aite. That’s all from me now. Toodles.

Finally..

Heya peeps! I am finally back from all the rush of work. I haven’t had time to myself to blog because of work. Ish. Anyways, work was fun while it lasted. Managed to meet new people, see the true colours of the joy in kids, and experience the fucked up behaviours of asshole parents. Yes, it was sure fun while it lasted.

Actually, I am supposed to be working now, but I had been excused because I had some issues that led me to be cut from work for a while. No, it has nothing to do with the way I perform at work, it’s more of my current condition. I shall not go further on that. In the meanwhile, I still have two more days to go for work – tomorrow and Saturday. I just can’t wait for it to be over. Somehow, the atmosphere this time around isn’t the same as before..Ah well. haha.

Anyhow, what had been happening at work? Same ol’, same ol’ – work work work, go home, sleep, and the next day get back to work. haha. Though, there was one happening that is worth blogging, and it’s about Pig’s birthday. You will freaked if I tell you what I got for her for her birthday. haha. Anyways, the story goes like this…

It was around 3 days before her birthday.

That time around, our roadshow had landed in Aeon, Bukit Tinggi, Klang. It was approaching her birthday and I have NO IDEA on what to get her. haha. The initial plan was to bring her to La Senza for her to get good lingeries. haha. That was what I promised her months before her birthday. It was simply because she wanted good quality lingeries for once in her life. So, me being me, I usually tend to say stuff like..“come! I’ll buy for you for your birthday!” haha. Anyways, that plan went down the drain when I found there was no La Senza in Aeon, Bukit Tinggi. Since then onwards, I did not know on what to get for her.

So back to the story. Around 3 days before her birthday, I was pondering to myself, at the backstage, on what to get for her. I have no idea at all. I wanted to get her a phone for her birthday since she lost hers in Aeon, Tebrau City, JB, but it just doesn’t seem right. Because, phones to her, is something that needs to be like her, so I thought, she has to get her own phone because she has to choose for herself. And that idea went down the drain.

The next one I had in mind was a DSLR camera. She had been wanting one for a while now, but she hasn’t had the money to get it. She truly love photography, she do, but she just don’t have the money to get it. So I thought, why not I get it? You must be thinking..WHAT??! haha. Well, listen first.

On that same day, I went and survey the camera. I surveyed, loved it and I thought the quality of it isn’t too bad. And guess what? haha. I bought it on the spot. hahahaa. People were saying I’m crazy for doing so. haha. It is a good quality camera. I was torn between a nikon and a canon, but I ended up buying the canon instead. The model of it is D1000, ESO series. It is a really good camera. For the price I bought, which was RM2100, I got a camera, tripod stand, and a camera bag – and of course, the strap. It was a really good deal. haha.

I’ve got some picture I got off the internet. Have a look.

Canon 1000D, ESO series

Video Camera / DSLR Tripod Stand

Camera Bag

Yeap. I bought that for her. haha. It was crazy of me, but it was all worth it. I was so excited. haha. I wanted to surprise her with the gift on her birthday, but, there were some mishap that had occurred the day after.

So..two days before her birthday.

A day birthday before her birthday, something came up at work that made her all tired and stressed out emotionally. I vaguely remember what was it about, but it was something quite upsetting to her. She was really upset and stressed out and over-worked. When I was away for my one hour dinner break, I went to collect the camera, got it wrapped and had brought it to backstage without her knowing. haha. I wanted to bring surprise her the next day, but seeing her like that, that day, had led me to give her the gift two day beforehand.

Funny thing was, I got it wrapped in those shops like SnJ and memory lane. haha. She was thrown off and assumed I bought something for her from SnJ. heh..When she was alone at the backstage, I asked her if she wants her gift now? She was like huh? And I went, yeah, your gift is in the backstage now. She was like..hah? Since when? haha. Then, she had to go off somewhere and then a few minutes later, I find her in the backstage, crying. wtf? It was then that I knew I had to give her.

I went up to her and said these exact words:

“Hey pig..You are allowed to open your gift now, but do not take it out here”

she was like “okay..*sobbing away*”

I then said…”you are also not allowed to scream at me, to give me back your present or to be angry that I bought it”

she was like “what is it la?”

I went..”here, you open it”

As she was opening it, someone came in to get something but did not know where, so I had to find for them. In midst of finding the stuff, she went like..”omg dude..omg..why did you waste so much money?” I was like “WAIT!” haha. Find find find, found! haha. Give it to them and straight went back to pig. I went up to her and said..

“you needed something to keep your passion alive. you needed this to keep you going”

she went like..”but it’s so expensive…”

I then said “I don’t need the money, you do. You need the money more than I do – and I know it”

She was then all quiet and then she started crying again. haha. She said that I confused her emotions. It was happy but sad but frustrated, etc, etc. I then said to her..

“pig, you need your money more than I need my money. I don’t need it. I just spend it, but you, you need your money”

she then said, “but you’ll be starting your college next year, you’ll be struggling”

I said, “no I won’t. I will have the time to gain back what I have used. I have time. I’ve got time ’till May next year, you don’t”

Then she just cry and cry and cry, I said to her..

“Pig..I’m just a friend who loves you”

Then..she turned to me,, hugged me and said..”thank you..”

I said..”you’re most welcome. you deserve this”

haha. Dialogue mode! hahaha. So that was what happened. Charlene is a real good friend of mine that I love really much. That birthday, was really a shock for her. I hope she is happy with her camera.

I really love her, I do. There’s nothing in the world I will not do for her. I have no idea why, but I just feel she need me around to support her. Though it hurts at times,  but, it’s worth the pain..

And that concludes my blog for today. You readers have a good day 🙂 Happy Holidays!

Good Morning, Folks!

Heya peeps! I finally have time to myself again! (Can I get an “ah haaa!” XD) This, unfortunately, will not last long because I have a job coming up in October throughout December. First off, let me explain what is it that I am working for and what is it about.

Okay, let’s give you a picture of what is it about.

Dutch Lady Disney Hoopla!
(haha! literally gave you a picture XD)

To give you a slight picture of what I am currently doing is this brochure. For the past month I have been in and out from home to Desa Sri Hartamas to collect the contest entries and keying them in, so it can be send to our director of the company. I work for a company of event management and promotion called Creative Concept and Promotion (CCNP). For further details regarding the company, click HERE.

Every end of the year, Dutch Lady and Disney will definitely collaborate together to form an event for children. CCNP, on the other hand, is the company that organizes the event. This simply means that they are the ones who comes out with the four Ps of marketing. The four Ps of, Product, Price, Place and Promotion. Since the first two Ps has been covered by the original company itself, CCNP only deals with the other two, which are Place and Promotion. They basically come out with the event that the client want as well as the promotion to it. In other words, they are an event management company.

About the job that I am working, like I said before this, my work was to collect entries, key them in, and just recently, call the parents of the contestants. I will also be working alongside with CCNP throughout the event. We have four regions to go about, and that is why I will be working from October throughout December. Gosh..I will be so busy haha.

In addition, I have also been working under EeVon’s team for Toshiba as a freelance promoter. Yes, I have been juggling two jobs at one time. One word of advise; NEVER ever, ever juggle two jobs at one time – it’s stressful. That is why I have not been online. I haven’t had the time for it. haha. It’s super duper hard.

On the side note, I am heading to Camerons on Thursday with Pig, Colin and Colin’s friends! Woots! Can’t wait for it 🙂

haha. Anyways, that’s all from me for now. Till next time, cheerio!

ZOmg!

Omgs! It has been ages since I last blogged >.<. So sorry peeps. I was very busy with work (and some occasional feel good time =] ) Anyways…

Aloha peeps! It definitely has been ages since I last blogged. Today, I had some free time so I decided to blog (before I start work all over again). So what’s been happening? Ever since MTV World Stage, alot has happened. I totally have no idea where to start since there are SO many things to let you guys know. I guess I should start with the BIG news that a lot has already know of (since I don’t blog for so long..).

So yeah..Big news.

The newsflash is that I am changing college. I am no longer in HELP for I have stopped the foundation course. I have my reasons to why I don’t want to continue, and it is no more than me could not handle the pressure and  also facing the embarrassment of walking down the hall of shame. I can’t face the fact that I am a repeater so I decided to change college for a change of environment. So..the Big question now is..where?

Well, it is none other than our very (hated) loved college….*drum roll*

TARC. pfft.

I really didn’t want to go there, but since budget is my only problem now, I guess it’d be there for now. But fret not! I am definitely coming back to HELP! For degree. I think..If my mom don’t mind paying for it. It’s quite costly. Grr..

Anyhow, bad news aside.

I went to Penang for holiday just a week ago. It was superbly fun. Awesomely, awesome. haha. Had fun, shopped till I am satisfied and was all happy about it. It was, overall, the best trip I’ve ever gone on. haha. Anyways I have pictures, so I’ll let the pics, do the talking for me 🙂

from left : olivia, pig, I, darius

haha! the drink we all got drunk from

[D]arius.[O]livia.[C]harlene.[E]laine

Darius, Pig and I

Darius and I

Pig and I at Gurney

😛

haha well, there are more pic than just this, but the file are different. I will try to upload them as soon as I figure out how to change the file. woot woot!

Besides the Penang trip, I did a lot other things too. Like work.

I’ve been working my ass off for cash that I juggled two jobs at one time. Gosh. It was so hard. Thank God it’s over now. Now I can concentrate with just one job. This, gives me a brand new experience to how hardcore one can be when juggling two jobs at once. And mind you, it isn’t easy. I thought I could handle it, but like I always say, thoughts are just things your mind thinks. It doesn’t really apply in real life, and next thing you know, you’re drowning in the sea of whatever that is that you THOUGHT you could do. Yea..It sucks that way.

Anyways, I gotta go wash up and start doing my work. Perhaps after all of this, it’d be over! woohoo! yeayness.

haha. Cheers!

My Gratest Apologies

Heya peeps! Sorry I have not been blogging! I haven’t had the time for it. I will, however, post up something real soon! Do stay tuned!